I think human beings are not born with self-assurance.  That is something that is culturally learnt.  By culturally I include all the family and social interactions to which we are subjected specially during early childhood.

So I guess it is not really a matter of your physical circumstances either.   Have you seen a really tiny five-feet woman wearing the pants at home?   Hehe.   That is a force of nature.

Personally, I have to admit I have a lot of self-doubt but, I overcompensate with skepticism in everything and everybody else I meet and see.    So I wonder what makes someone be a born-victim?    I guess I assume there is something in their behavior that attracts the bullies, for instance I heard of some guy who was robbed about 300 times in a year.   I guess if this is an urban myth, then as all of them, it has some root in reality.

Take for instance someone as my 19-year-old brother.  He goes around and gets mugged every other month, even though he usually carries only a couple of dollars in his pocket.        

I have never had that misfortune as I usually follow a simple set of rules that some psychologist set to avoid being mugged:  walk briskly and with total intent, if you see someone who may be intent on attacking you, look at him in the eye with a self-assured stance or plainly confront him.   Avoid too dangerous places.

There is nothing wrong with the classics.

But there is an interesting experiment I went through recently that put me in the victims’ shoes.    As I mentioned in my last blog, I had acute back pain a few weeks back.  I could hardly walk and was as powerless as a kitten.   Nonetheless, I went out for a walk one afternoon.

Interesting mistake I did too.   I met on my walk at least two men who started following me.   One of them was either stoned or carrying with him a bottle of liquor.   I had real problem getting rid of this one as he plainly refused to go even when I confronted him and turned to walk in the contrary way.

The man had found a victim.   And refused to let her go.

I guess these urban predators are like dogs and can smell the weakened pray and her fear.    And I am not saying that fear is bad.  On the contrary, it is a very developed sense that evolved after millions of years and is well tuned to save you in unusual circumstances!

I still don’t understand the sense in the now common philosophy of “confront your fears”.    If something is indeed dangerous what is the point of confronting or ignoring it?   In this case fleeing is the most feasible approach.

I guess we put sometimes too much value in the label of “courage” and that drives us to do some stupid things in the name of not looking weak.  

An  example here could show what I am talking about.    

One day, last summer, I was walking with a friend over a normal street.  A giant black guy came to us in an alarming excited state and shouted at us:  I am gonna kill you!

Well my reaction was: run.  I was outta his way in less then ten seconds. 

My friend, who praises herself as rational and self-assured, just kept slowly walking into the guy, not showing that she had even noticed him.

Now I ask you, who did the right thing?     She laughed at me, and commented my lack of courage to anyone who was willing to listen to her for the next couple of months. 

Funny, I always thought I was the one who acted in a rational manner.   Because rationality is  in fact in line with instinct in situations such as this.   Facing someone who may actually kill me, instead of running if I could… my vanity doesn’t reach that far.

In the end I will say that life is like chess.   It is about strategy.  Sometimes about bravado. And always about advantageous position when it comes to lose pieces or protect your king. 

You choose if to be a pawn or a knight.